tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3832146521097721349.post5825320977770600739..comments2023-04-26T00:04:47.223-07:00Comments on Alon: A Blog Post About Bloging That Includes A Short Story About A WerewolfFlora Rosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11129860971153949973noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3832146521097721349.post-88088815010958366742011-11-02T11:54:51.180-07:002011-11-02T11:54:51.180-07:00Hey, little sister! Answering the call for proofr...Hey, little sister! Answering the call for proofreading. :)<br /><br />Grammatically:<br /><br />1) "The moon would soon rise over the tall buildings, living in a tall city helped keep the wolf a bay a little longer."<br /><br />The clause starting with "living in a tall city..." needs to be either separated into a different sentence or maybe put in parentheses.<br /><br />2) "The only way out now was the slightly large doggy door that lead outside."<br /><br />"Lead" should be "led."<br /><br />3) "The wolf preferred to be outside where the streets were (some of them) unexplored and the meat was fresh."<br /><br />"Some of them," I think, I would function better after "unexplored."<br /><br />4) "Not only is fire beautiful, but it also cleanses of germs even if only temporarily, Unferth thought to himself."<br /><br />There should be a comma after "germs."<br /><br />5) "...and it was to be blamed on the C.W.L., well most of it was."<br /><br />I would suggest that you end the sentence with "C.W.L." and let, "Well, most of it was" be its own sentence.<br /><br />Sorry if I'm being a little nit-picky. :P As for the overall story, I liked it. I thought the concept of a germophobic werewolf was humorous to say the least. Is there room for you to play that up more?<br /><br />Hope these are helpful!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com