Dear Spiders,
No.
Stop that.
There is no need to deploy your largest mercenaries. If you continue to do so, they will all be rendered two dimensional like the first one.
This is not a threat. This is a guarantee.
Go away, and please don't come back.
Sincerely,
Kara
Showing posts with label Spiders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spiders. Show all posts
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Summer Ramblings
Right. I should probably post something.
Hello again. Not much has happened recently in ways of adventure, which I regret. I probably need to do something to fix that. Little things have been happening though. I made pudding recently, and I am pleased to inform you that there were no spiders involved. Not that the world has been spider free, mind you. They've certainly been popping up here and there: the back of my bedroom door, a few times on the living room floor, on the wall, and, the most nerve racking spot, the ceiling.
Also, I now have a laptop, finally. My computer was a Dell that was maybe fourteen years old. It ran 2003 Word at any rate. The laptop is also a Dell, her name is MollyHooper, and I love her very much. Unfortunately, she already has a smattering of cat hair on her, but in this house that really can't be helped. As a result of having Molly, I probably spend a little too much time online. Okay, not probably, I do. A few days ago, I watched ten episodes straight of Sword Art Online, an anime that came highly recommended by the youngest two of my older brothers. I agree with them that it is amazing and I understand that many people spend far more time online and could watch probably the entire show in one sitting, but I can't. Even not watching videos or playing games, spending too long in front a screen will give me a nasty headache, and I've learned from experience that those headaches will persist into migraines. One particularly nasty headache that didn't quite make it to the migraine rating was induced by watching all of Attack on Titan with a friend. I was enough out of sorts to not feel like eating much, but I doubt I would have felt up to eating even without the headache. If you've seen it, you'll understand perfectly. In a way the headaches are good thing. I do things other than stare at a screen like drawing, sleeping, and reading. At my father's recommendation, I've started investing time in his collection of Cherie Priest's books, beginning with Four and Twenty Blackbirds, which I've almost finished.
I've been journaling more frequently. Still not quite daily, but it's an improvement, much the same as my blogging: more frequent than before, but not as frequent as I'd like.
A nice thing about summer is that I seem to have more time to see with my poet eyes, as my mother would say. Usually this means I run around barefoot in the grass, clutching my camera. I may post some more pictures, seeing as it is easier to transfer pictures from camera to computer, now that I have Molly. We'll see.
I feel like I've cheated. This isn't really a blog post.
This is a blog post. Rambling is not cheating.
Hello again. Not much has happened recently in ways of adventure, which I regret. I probably need to do something to fix that. Little things have been happening though. I made pudding recently, and I am pleased to inform you that there were no spiders involved. Not that the world has been spider free, mind you. They've certainly been popping up here and there: the back of my bedroom door, a few times on the living room floor, on the wall, and, the most nerve racking spot, the ceiling.
Also, I now have a laptop, finally. My computer was a Dell that was maybe fourteen years old. It ran 2003 Word at any rate. The laptop is also a Dell, her name is MollyHooper, and I love her very much. Unfortunately, she already has a smattering of cat hair on her, but in this house that really can't be helped. As a result of having Molly, I probably spend a little too much time online. Okay, not probably, I do. A few days ago, I watched ten episodes straight of Sword Art Online, an anime that came highly recommended by the youngest two of my older brothers. I agree with them that it is amazing and I understand that many people spend far more time online and could watch probably the entire show in one sitting, but I can't. Even not watching videos or playing games, spending too long in front a screen will give me a nasty headache, and I've learned from experience that those headaches will persist into migraines. One particularly nasty headache that didn't quite make it to the migraine rating was induced by watching all of Attack on Titan with a friend. I was enough out of sorts to not feel like eating much, but I doubt I would have felt up to eating even without the headache. If you've seen it, you'll understand perfectly. In a way the headaches are good thing. I do things other than stare at a screen like drawing, sleeping, and reading. At my father's recommendation, I've started investing time in his collection of Cherie Priest's books, beginning with Four and Twenty Blackbirds, which I've almost finished.
I've been journaling more frequently. Still not quite daily, but it's an improvement, much the same as my blogging: more frequent than before, but not as frequent as I'd like.
A nice thing about summer is that I seem to have more time to see with my poet eyes, as my mother would say. Usually this means I run around barefoot in the grass, clutching my camera. I may post some more pictures, seeing as it is easier to transfer pictures from camera to computer, now that I have Molly. We'll see.
I feel like I've cheated. This isn't really a blog post.
This is a blog post. Rambling is not cheating.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Spider Slayer's Log: Kara Smith
Day 1: Preparing for rest, a nemesis was discovered about a foot from the end of the bed. After the initial shock, he was smashed with a flip-flop, which was left beside the bed in case of other emergencies.
Total Spiders Killed: 1
Day 2: Around midday, as I was folding laundry, a spider had the guts to dash into a folded towel. While my sister found it humorous that I would have to refold it, I had no qualms about shaking the spider out and unfolding the towel in the process. I crushed the exoskeletoned offender with a coaster and refolded my towel. He wouldn't have the guts to do anything again, especially since he doesn't have guts at this point.
It was in the evening. Jake had come over to visit and was getting up to leave when I saw another one. It was a big brown grass spider, not far from where Jake had been sitting. Jake, being the brave older brother that he is, hurried to the next room and left me to kill it with his shoe. It's odd sometimes to be reminded that he's more scared of them than I am.
Total Spiders Killed: 3
Day 3: I was in the bathroom around seven in the morning preping for a shower. I didn't notice it until I almost stepped on it. It was a brown recluse because what else would it be. I darted to the sink counter, where there were a range of bottles and jars that would do very well, but by the time I had a weapon, it had crawled down the heat vent. However, while it did scare the wits out of me, I must have stepped on it a little because it had left a leg on the bathroom floor.
Total Spiders Killed: Not enough, not nearly enough
Day 4: No spiders encountered. They're plotting. I know it.
Total Spiders Killed: Unchanged
Day 5: About two in the afternoon, I set out to make chocolate pudding. I took a mixer thing out of the bowl, so that I wouldn't pour milk and powder all over it, and grabbed the whisk. I was about to put the whisk in place when I saw him. He was big, and he was a spider. He was also a brown recluse that couldn't climb back out because the sides of the bowl were too steep. I was in shock and completely terrified for a moment, but a song poped in my head, and by humming it, I was able to calm down enough to think clearly. I was not about to put my hand in there with it, even on the premise of killing it. Instead, I sprayed poison on it, in the bowl I was about to make pudding in, and waited for it to die. Once it had stopped twitching, I dumped it in the trash and set about washing the bowl. It was about then, as I was scrubbing like the bowl was coated in spider webs, that I realised which song had been in my head. Lead Me To The Cross by Newsboys. It was from the album In The Hands Of God. That made me feel happy. My Father and Lord loves me and reminded me that he wouldn't let anything hurt me if it wasn't part of his plan by putting a simple song in my mind and heart.
On another note, the pudding turned out great.
Total Spiders Killed: 4
Day 16?: I was in the bathroom, about to brush my teeth, when a spider apeared beside my bare foot. It was a brown recluse, and it was missing legs. It had three on one side and two on another. I'm fairly certain that he was the one that menaced me on day three. I crushed him with a can of hair spray. It was fairly satisfying. I wiped him off the floor and the can, and felt a small sense of closure.
Total Spiders Killed: 5
Total Spiders Killed: 1
Day 2: Around midday, as I was folding laundry, a spider had the guts to dash into a folded towel. While my sister found it humorous that I would have to refold it, I had no qualms about shaking the spider out and unfolding the towel in the process. I crushed the exoskeletoned offender with a coaster and refolded my towel. He wouldn't have the guts to do anything again, especially since he doesn't have guts at this point.
It was in the evening. Jake had come over to visit and was getting up to leave when I saw another one. It was a big brown grass spider, not far from where Jake had been sitting. Jake, being the brave older brother that he is, hurried to the next room and left me to kill it with his shoe. It's odd sometimes to be reminded that he's more scared of them than I am.
Total Spiders Killed: 3
Day 3: I was in the bathroom around seven in the morning preping for a shower. I didn't notice it until I almost stepped on it. It was a brown recluse because what else would it be. I darted to the sink counter, where there were a range of bottles and jars that would do very well, but by the time I had a weapon, it had crawled down the heat vent. However, while it did scare the wits out of me, I must have stepped on it a little because it had left a leg on the bathroom floor.
Total Spiders Killed: Not enough, not nearly enough
Day 4: No spiders encountered. They're plotting. I know it.
Total Spiders Killed: Unchanged
Day 5: About two in the afternoon, I set out to make chocolate pudding. I took a mixer thing out of the bowl, so that I wouldn't pour milk and powder all over it, and grabbed the whisk. I was about to put the whisk in place when I saw him. He was big, and he was a spider. He was also a brown recluse that couldn't climb back out because the sides of the bowl were too steep. I was in shock and completely terrified for a moment, but a song poped in my head, and by humming it, I was able to calm down enough to think clearly. I was not about to put my hand in there with it, even on the premise of killing it. Instead, I sprayed poison on it, in the bowl I was about to make pudding in, and waited for it to die. Once it had stopped twitching, I dumped it in the trash and set about washing the bowl. It was about then, as I was scrubbing like the bowl was coated in spider webs, that I realised which song had been in my head. Lead Me To The Cross by Newsboys. It was from the album In The Hands Of God. That made me feel happy. My Father and Lord loves me and reminded me that he wouldn't let anything hurt me if it wasn't part of his plan by putting a simple song in my mind and heart.
On another note, the pudding turned out great.
Total Spiders Killed: 4
Day 16?: I was in the bathroom, about to brush my teeth, when a spider apeared beside my bare foot. It was a brown recluse, and it was missing legs. It had three on one side and two on another. I'm fairly certain that he was the one that menaced me on day three. I crushed him with a can of hair spray. It was fairly satisfying. I wiped him off the floor and the can, and felt a small sense of closure.
Total Spiders Killed: 5
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Good-Night Moon, Good Morning Spider
The summer before last, I became very good at sleeping for twelve hours. When I woke up, I would lay there and look at the Lady of Shed-lots. She has always been my bossy, little guardian. When I went to bed each night, and the blankets settled on my legs, triggering thoughts of spiders crawling around on me, she would be there next to me, giving me a look that clearly said I was imagining it. She gave me a sense of safety.
One morning I woke up as I always did, but a few moments after I opened my eyes, I felt something. It was most definitely not the settling of blankets. I could feel the fall of several individual little legs on my left thigh. I froze, except for my heart, which inevitably quickened its pace. My arms were outside the covers, and I cupped one hand over the spider, keeping the blanket between it and my hand. It couldn't run away now. Arachnid and human stayed still, so that, for a moment, I wondered if it was really there, but no. The feeling it's legs coming down on my skin had been far too real. Beside me on the bed, was the Lady of Shed-lots. I felt a pang of betrayal as she gave me the same look as always. She was supposed to protect me! Although, in truth, a cat outside the blankets could be of little effect against a spider under the blankets.
Without much reason, I somehow made a quick movement and ended up out of the bed, whilst leaving the spider behind. I grabbed something, threw back the covers, and smashed the little abomination. Within my memory, those last two sentences are a swift blur, but the moments leading up to it, an eternity. I picked up the remains in a tissue and dropped it in the trash. I went to my mother and told her what had happened. I'm not sure if she really believed me at first, especially since when she asked what kind it was, I was unable to tell her. I left and returned a few minutes later, with the dead spider bits in tissue. She identified it as a brown recluse, and it had been a rather big one, before it was rendered in the two dimensional.
By all reason that spider should have bitten me. It should have bitten me when I trapped it on top of my vulnerable skin. It should have bitten me when I was asleep. That night I had gone to bed in a night gown. What if it had been on my leg, and I was in full pants? What is the probability that I would go to bed in the only sleepwear that this could have happened with? The only reason I have ever been able to come up with is the only reason I will ever need. It wasn't in God's plan for a brow recluse to bite me on the thigh that morning. As the lions did not harm Daniel, the spider did not harm me. For some reason, He wanted to scare me, and putting a spider in the bed with me was a pretty good way to do that. He kept that spider from biting me, just as He put it there. Things have changed a little because of that too. I tuck in one side of my covers under the mattress so that the blankets don't touch the floor to provide easy access for spiders, and I don't trust the Lady of Shed-lots to keep me safe anymore. His plan is a mystery to me, but I'll continue to trust in him.
One morning I woke up as I always did, but a few moments after I opened my eyes, I felt something. It was most definitely not the settling of blankets. I could feel the fall of several individual little legs on my left thigh. I froze, except for my heart, which inevitably quickened its pace. My arms were outside the covers, and I cupped one hand over the spider, keeping the blanket between it and my hand. It couldn't run away now. Arachnid and human stayed still, so that, for a moment, I wondered if it was really there, but no. The feeling it's legs coming down on my skin had been far too real. Beside me on the bed, was the Lady of Shed-lots. I felt a pang of betrayal as she gave me the same look as always. She was supposed to protect me! Although, in truth, a cat outside the blankets could be of little effect against a spider under the blankets.
Without much reason, I somehow made a quick movement and ended up out of the bed, whilst leaving the spider behind. I grabbed something, threw back the covers, and smashed the little abomination. Within my memory, those last two sentences are a swift blur, but the moments leading up to it, an eternity. I picked up the remains in a tissue and dropped it in the trash. I went to my mother and told her what had happened. I'm not sure if she really believed me at first, especially since when she asked what kind it was, I was unable to tell her. I left and returned a few minutes later, with the dead spider bits in tissue. She identified it as a brown recluse, and it had been a rather big one, before it was rendered in the two dimensional.
By all reason that spider should have bitten me. It should have bitten me when I trapped it on top of my vulnerable skin. It should have bitten me when I was asleep. That night I had gone to bed in a night gown. What if it had been on my leg, and I was in full pants? What is the probability that I would go to bed in the only sleepwear that this could have happened with? The only reason I have ever been able to come up with is the only reason I will ever need. It wasn't in God's plan for a brow recluse to bite me on the thigh that morning. As the lions did not harm Daniel, the spider did not harm me. For some reason, He wanted to scare me, and putting a spider in the bed with me was a pretty good way to do that. He kept that spider from biting me, just as He put it there. Things have changed a little because of that too. I tuck in one side of my covers under the mattress so that the blankets don't touch the floor to provide easy access for spiders, and I don't trust the Lady of Shed-lots to keep me safe anymore. His plan is a mystery to me, but I'll continue to trust in him.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
On The Killing Of Spiders
Spiders are not good, but I think we already know that.The issue with getting rid of them is that often you have nothing to kill them with nearby and no bug killing spray. Actually this isn't true. The following is a compiled list of objects that are great for killing spiders, organized by common location.
The Bedroom: The worst place to find spiders.
Shoes- Flipflops work best. They don't have crevices that spiders could accidentally end up in instead of being squished.
Books- If you are able, hardbacks work best. You can wipe the spider guts off right afterward. With paperbacks there's a chance it might soak in. If your hardback book has a dust jacket, take that off. No use ruining it.
Tissue Box- The sides and bottom are great for smashing arachnids, as long as the spider isn't in the box.
Jewelry Box- Only use inexpensive, not antique ones, okay?
The Bathroom: A room filled with bottles.
Bottles- Most bottles in bathrooms are made of plastic, which means it's okay to slam them against the wall in the name of spider killing. Just be sure to use the sides as most bottles have a dent in the bottom.
Toilet Paper- Unused. Definitely unused. This method is a little unsettling once used. You can feel the spider pop under the weight of your hand through the paper.
Bars of Soap- I recommend this as a last resort, and you may want to cut off the part that smooshes the spider.
Air Freshener- Yes, it is possible to drown a spider in this stuff.
Faucets- If the spider is in the tub or a sink, it is entirely possible that you can drown it/ squish it with, what to spiders is, high pressured water, or simply force Itsy-Bitsy down the drain.
The Living-room/Entertainment Center: When you dearly wish you hadn't opted to sit on the floor.
DVD Boxes- It's doubly satisfying if the face of a disliked actor is on the side you use for spider squishing. "Ha! You get spider guts in your face!"
Coasters- As long as you don't absolutely slam it down on the spider, you should be able to avoid breaking these, as my father once did.
Cd Cases- They're flat and hard. Could you ask for a more reliable mode of spider exterminating?
Remotes- If you want too, you could.
Magazines- Especially helpful if the spider is on the ceiling or simply too high on a wall.
Durable Game Systems- Hey, a spider is a spider. Do you really want to take the chance that it will turn into more spiders?
The Kitchen: Mmmm! Want some of this cream of spider?
Dishes and Cups- Please only use the plastic stuff, it's not worth a perfectly good plate or glass to kill one spider. Plastic is just as effective, but paper plates aren't too useful for really big spiders.
Not Knives- Trust me. It's too small a point to get a spider. They are too fast and little.
Cutting Boards- Most cutting boards, these days, are made of wood or thick plastic. Take that you eight-legged abominations!
Cookbooks- Here, Mr. Spider, have a taste of this recipe!
The Blender- Look, if a spider is in your blender, sometimes the only thing you can do is slap on the lid and make a spider smoothie, but I wouldn't recommend drinking it.
Pans- Big, flat, and they make a satisfying clanging noise. Sounds good to me.
The Stairwell/Hallway: Where there are, virtually, no weapons.
...- In this place, the best course of action is, whilst screaming like a little girl, running back the way you came, grabbing a weapon, and racing back, full kilter, to destroy the spider. Do not stop screaming until you are absolutely certain that the spider will never move again. This helps in the intimidation factor. Although, if you plan on using dangerous chemicals, I wouldn't recommend inhaling.
The Study: Just another place that spiders don't belong in.
Papers/Notebooks- They're in abundance, you can't argue with that.
Paper Weights- Hard, with a flat bottom. Unless you have a fan on or an open window, they really aren't useful for much else.
That Memo Your Boss Gave You That You Need An Excuse To Lose- "Sorry Sir., just let me look... Ah! Here it is! Oh... that's why I threw it out. Look, it has spider guts on it! There's even a leg!"
The Keyboard Keys- If the spider crawls in the keyboard to hide, and you are willing to take out the keys and clean afterward, by all means, press a lot of keys hard. I'm rooting for you.
Reference Books- If you have nothing else, there is not much of a choice, but please, be careful with them. They are, after all, books.
The Utility/Laundry Room: A likely place for spiders.
Cleaning Agent Bottles- Remember the deceptive arch often found on the bottoms can often spare the life of a spider, if a human warrior is unsuspecting.
The Washer or Dryer- If a spider is in an article of clothing, throw it in the washer or dryer. Run as many cycles as you want, just remember to empty the lint filter.
Other Things: These are found in different rooms, depending on the occupants' whims.
Cleaning Sprays- If the toxic chemicals don't kill it, you can drown it in the stuff. This includes but is not limited to window cleaner, carpet cleaner, and furniture polish.
Pill Bottles- They're a bit small, but still effective, if you can pin a spider between it and a hard surface.
Fly Swatter- Not just for flies, and they allow for the use of excessive force.
Hairspray- Either the spider will be poisoned, drowned, or stuck to the wall to starve to death.
Vacuum- While it might be considered cruel to suck a spider into a confined space with large amounts of dust and no amount of food, it can also be cruel to your sense of security to leave a spider in your home.
Spider Killing Tips: Just to be helpful.
At the very least, wear socks- Spiders can't bite through socks, much less shoes.
Have a partner- I cannot tell you how many times I have had to run to another room to get a suitable weapon. Having someone watch the spider while I left the room, has sealed the fate of many an arachnid that might have lived, simply because it moved while I was gone.
Be careful with flammable materials- Hairspray and other non-spider friendly chemicals tend to be highly flammable. This means don't use them if the spider is standing anywhere near an open flame or is in possession of a lighter or flamethrower.
Always be aware of where there is poison- The poisons can not only kill spiders and most other bugs, but it can also hurt people and small animals.
Keeping spiders away- The easiest trick, with spiders, is to not give them something to find in your home. The fewer bugs in your home, the fewer and smaller the spiders will be. Simply cleaning up after a meal, being aware of crumbs, and washing dishes can cut back on the number of bugs in the house.
The Bedroom: The worst place to find spiders.
Shoes- Flipflops work best. They don't have crevices that spiders could accidentally end up in instead of being squished.
Books- If you are able, hardbacks work best. You can wipe the spider guts off right afterward. With paperbacks there's a chance it might soak in. If your hardback book has a dust jacket, take that off. No use ruining it.
Tissue Box- The sides and bottom are great for smashing arachnids, as long as the spider isn't in the box.
Jewelry Box- Only use inexpensive, not antique ones, okay?
The Bathroom: A room filled with bottles.
Bottles- Most bottles in bathrooms are made of plastic, which means it's okay to slam them against the wall in the name of spider killing. Just be sure to use the sides as most bottles have a dent in the bottom.
Toilet Paper- Unused. Definitely unused. This method is a little unsettling once used. You can feel the spider pop under the weight of your hand through the paper.
Bars of Soap- I recommend this as a last resort, and you may want to cut off the part that smooshes the spider.
Air Freshener- Yes, it is possible to drown a spider in this stuff.
Faucets- If the spider is in the tub or a sink, it is entirely possible that you can drown it/ squish it with, what to spiders is, high pressured water, or simply force Itsy-Bitsy down the drain.
The Living-room/Entertainment Center: When you dearly wish you hadn't opted to sit on the floor.
DVD Boxes- It's doubly satisfying if the face of a disliked actor is on the side you use for spider squishing. "Ha! You get spider guts in your face!"
Coasters- As long as you don't absolutely slam it down on the spider, you should be able to avoid breaking these, as my father once did.
Cd Cases- They're flat and hard. Could you ask for a more reliable mode of spider exterminating?
Remotes- If you want too, you could.
Magazines- Especially helpful if the spider is on the ceiling or simply too high on a wall.
Durable Game Systems- Hey, a spider is a spider. Do you really want to take the chance that it will turn into more spiders?
The Kitchen: Mmmm! Want some of this cream of spider?
Dishes and Cups- Please only use the plastic stuff, it's not worth a perfectly good plate or glass to kill one spider. Plastic is just as effective, but paper plates aren't too useful for really big spiders.
Not Knives- Trust me. It's too small a point to get a spider. They are too fast and little.
Cutting Boards- Most cutting boards, these days, are made of wood or thick plastic. Take that you eight-legged abominations!
Cookbooks- Here, Mr. Spider, have a taste of this recipe!
The Blender- Look, if a spider is in your blender, sometimes the only thing you can do is slap on the lid and make a spider smoothie, but I wouldn't recommend drinking it.
Pans- Big, flat, and they make a satisfying clanging noise. Sounds good to me.
The Stairwell/Hallway: Where there are, virtually, no weapons.
...- In this place, the best course of action is, whilst screaming like a little girl, running back the way you came, grabbing a weapon, and racing back, full kilter, to destroy the spider. Do not stop screaming until you are absolutely certain that the spider will never move again. This helps in the intimidation factor. Although, if you plan on using dangerous chemicals, I wouldn't recommend inhaling.
The Study: Just another place that spiders don't belong in.
Papers/Notebooks- They're in abundance, you can't argue with that.
Paper Weights- Hard, with a flat bottom. Unless you have a fan on or an open window, they really aren't useful for much else.
That Memo Your Boss Gave You That You Need An Excuse To Lose- "Sorry Sir., just let me look... Ah! Here it is! Oh... that's why I threw it out. Look, it has spider guts on it! There's even a leg!"
The Keyboard Keys- If the spider crawls in the keyboard to hide, and you are willing to take out the keys and clean afterward, by all means, press a lot of keys hard. I'm rooting for you.
Reference Books- If you have nothing else, there is not much of a choice, but please, be careful with them. They are, after all, books.
The Utility/Laundry Room: A likely place for spiders.
Cleaning Agent Bottles- Remember the deceptive arch often found on the bottoms can often spare the life of a spider, if a human warrior is unsuspecting.
The Washer or Dryer- If a spider is in an article of clothing, throw it in the washer or dryer. Run as many cycles as you want, just remember to empty the lint filter.
Other Things: These are found in different rooms, depending on the occupants' whims.
Cleaning Sprays- If the toxic chemicals don't kill it, you can drown it in the stuff. This includes but is not limited to window cleaner, carpet cleaner, and furniture polish.
Pill Bottles- They're a bit small, but still effective, if you can pin a spider between it and a hard surface.
Fly Swatter- Not just for flies, and they allow for the use of excessive force.
Hairspray- Either the spider will be poisoned, drowned, or stuck to the wall to starve to death.
Vacuum- While it might be considered cruel to suck a spider into a confined space with large amounts of dust and no amount of food, it can also be cruel to your sense of security to leave a spider in your home.
Spider Killing Tips: Just to be helpful.
At the very least, wear socks- Spiders can't bite through socks, much less shoes.
Have a partner- I cannot tell you how many times I have had to run to another room to get a suitable weapon. Having someone watch the spider while I left the room, has sealed the fate of many an arachnid that might have lived, simply because it moved while I was gone.
Be careful with flammable materials- Hairspray and other non-spider friendly chemicals tend to be highly flammable. This means don't use them if the spider is standing anywhere near an open flame or is in possession of a lighter or flamethrower.
Always be aware of where there is poison- The poisons can not only kill spiders and most other bugs, but it can also hurt people and small animals.
Keeping spiders away- The easiest trick, with spiders, is to not give them something to find in your home. The fewer bugs in your home, the fewer and smaller the spiders will be. Simply cleaning up after a meal, being aware of crumbs, and washing dishes can cut back on the number of bugs in the house.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
A Letter to Spiders (#3)
Dear Spiders,
I had thought that we were living quite peacefully. I hadn't seen any of you in maybe a month, except for the one that spun a web between my bedstand and a wall, but that one was asking to be squished. Saturday I opened my closet to pull out a top, and one of you was just sitting there on a white sweater. It was kind of obvious, considering he wasn't white. Do you have to do that? When was the last time any of you were in my closet? A year and a half? I thought we'd worked out the boundaries when it came to the closet. There aren't even any bugs to eat in there!
I thank the brown recluses for staying out of this situation. As for the one that was on my sweater, look out little buddy, because you were lucky I didn't see where you landed. Next time, you'll be flattened with a flip-flop. Got it?
Sincerely,
Kara
I had thought that we were living quite peacefully. I hadn't seen any of you in maybe a month, except for the one that spun a web between my bedstand and a wall, but that one was asking to be squished. Saturday I opened my closet to pull out a top, and one of you was just sitting there on a white sweater. It was kind of obvious, considering he wasn't white. Do you have to do that? When was the last time any of you were in my closet? A year and a half? I thought we'd worked out the boundaries when it came to the closet. There aren't even any bugs to eat in there!
I thank the brown recluses for staying out of this situation. As for the one that was on my sweater, look out little buddy, because you were lucky I didn't see where you landed. Next time, you'll be flattened with a flip-flop. Got it?
Sincerely,
Kara
Friday, July 27, 2012
An Encounter With A Spider
This morning there was a spider. It was a brown recluse. Most are. My mother was sitting on the couch, working on her afghan. I was sprawled on a pile of pillows whilst observing a cat. Something skittered across the floor. I jerked up with a startled exclamation of wordless surprise. The spider stopped just in front of the couch.
My mother looked at me. "Spider?" her only, but accurate query.
I nodded, keeping my eyes on the offending arachnid.
My mother calmly moved her yarns and lifted her feet off the ground. "Well? Aren't you going to kill it?"
Right. I looked around the room. In a battle, your choice of weapon is key. Board game box. No, it's too big and flimsy. Yearbooks, Mom would kill me. Coaster. Perfect. Ceramic disc in hand, I faced down the spider. Not big, not small, probably a little juicy. However, while I had the advantage of size and strength, the eight legged menace was close enough to the couch that if I missed, he could easily escape.
"If you can't get to it, get the spray."
I weighed my options. With the coaster, the spider would be gone in a matter of seconds, but I only had one shot. With the spray, I would only need one shot, but my mother has always stressed that if I can conceivably smash a spider, I shouldn't use the spray. One shot. I lowered the coaster in order to run to the spray.
The spider sensed an opportunity and darted under the couch.
I darted to the kitchen, grabbed the canned death of arachnid, and hurried back, but I was too late. I couldn't see it, so I sent a small cloud of poison under the couch and hoped it had been enough.
"Not enough!" My mother took the spider killing fumes and put layer after layer of it around the bottom of the couch, the front, the side, the back, and the other side. A vision of spiders with tiny gas masks entered my mind. Even with gas masks, the poison eats through the exoskeleton, leaving no survivors. I watched my mother, half expecting her to burst into maniacal laughter.
When she was done I asked her if it was a little excessive. After all, she was the one who told me that use that stuff sparingly.
"We sit on the couch and floor all the time. It was called for."
From the look on her face, I learned where my strong reaction to spiders comes from. I can be brave, but if I see one bigger than the tiny carpet spiders, I freeze. Spiders are trying to over take the world. People with arachnophobia just happen to realize how dangerous spiders are.
Nothing with eight legs will survive under our couch for a very long time.
My mother looked at me. "Spider?" her only, but accurate query.
I nodded, keeping my eyes on the offending arachnid.
My mother calmly moved her yarns and lifted her feet off the ground. "Well? Aren't you going to kill it?"
Right. I looked around the room. In a battle, your choice of weapon is key. Board game box. No, it's too big and flimsy. Yearbooks, Mom would kill me. Coaster. Perfect. Ceramic disc in hand, I faced down the spider. Not big, not small, probably a little juicy. However, while I had the advantage of size and strength, the eight legged menace was close enough to the couch that if I missed, he could easily escape.
"If you can't get to it, get the spray."
I weighed my options. With the coaster, the spider would be gone in a matter of seconds, but I only had one shot. With the spray, I would only need one shot, but my mother has always stressed that if I can conceivably smash a spider, I shouldn't use the spray. One shot. I lowered the coaster in order to run to the spray.
The spider sensed an opportunity and darted under the couch.
I darted to the kitchen, grabbed the canned death of arachnid, and hurried back, but I was too late. I couldn't see it, so I sent a small cloud of poison under the couch and hoped it had been enough.
"Not enough!" My mother took the spider killing fumes and put layer after layer of it around the bottom of the couch, the front, the side, the back, and the other side. A vision of spiders with tiny gas masks entered my mind. Even with gas masks, the poison eats through the exoskeleton, leaving no survivors. I watched my mother, half expecting her to burst into maniacal laughter.
When she was done I asked her if it was a little excessive. After all, she was the one who told me that use that stuff sparingly.
"We sit on the couch and floor all the time. It was called for."
From the look on her face, I learned where my strong reaction to spiders comes from. I can be brave, but if I see one bigger than the tiny carpet spiders, I freeze. Spiders are trying to over take the world. People with arachnophobia just happen to realize how dangerous spiders are.
Nothing with eight legs will survive under our couch for a very long time.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
A Second Letter to Spiders
Dear Spiders (specifically the Brown Recluse spiders that live under and behind my bookshelf),
I know you're there. Waiting. Waiting for the opportune time to do me in. I do not appreciate this. You have fewer places to hide, but that doesn't mean that you have to flaunt your existence by crawling out from under the bookshelf almost every night as I go to bed, but as long as you stay still and try to camouflage with the pink carpet, even though you are irreversibly brown, I can grab a weapon and end your tiny venomous lives.
I have a weapon that is extremely good at finding and distracting you. Its name is Lil-Bit. I may not see you, but my kitty is very good at hunting you. Move once and she sees you. With my kitty, I will foil your plans of world domination! So prepare for war. If either of us sees you, you're gone. Let the war begin. There will be many casualties, on your side.
Sincerely,
Kara
I know you're there. Waiting. Waiting for the opportune time to do me in. I do not appreciate this. You have fewer places to hide, but that doesn't mean that you have to flaunt your existence by crawling out from under the bookshelf almost every night as I go to bed, but as long as you stay still and try to camouflage with the pink carpet, even though you are irreversibly brown, I can grab a weapon and end your tiny venomous lives.
I have a weapon that is extremely good at finding and distracting you. Its name is Lil-Bit. I may not see you, but my kitty is very good at hunting you. Move once and she sees you. With my kitty, I will foil your plans of world domination! So prepare for war. If either of us sees you, you're gone. Let the war begin. There will be many casualties, on your side.
Sincerely,
Kara
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Strawbabys (a.k.a. Strawberries)
I love strawberries. When I was little, I would call them "strawbabys". I have no idea why, but it's better than accidentally calling hamburgers "hamboogers", which I also did. There was a strawberry patch in my current backyard actually, until it was run over by a truck. The general consensus was that there would be no more little, tasty (though watery) strawberries. Wednesday, I went to put my items for work in the car so that I could just get in the car and go when it was time to leave for work. It was then that something bright red caught my eye. Intrigued, I ventured forward to the small rectangular patch of miscellaneous short plants. Oh look, little strawberries. How surprised you, my reader, must be. I promptly took the ripe ones of a corner into the house. Eight. One, as big as a store bought strawberry. I ate two, then rebrushed my teeth before work.
When I returned home I grabbed a bowl and went outside. I do admit that I jumped and drew my hand back from the weed infested strawberry patch more than once for fear of spiders. The bowl was overflowing after I had only combed through the edges. Once inside, two strawberries, one of which was particularly stubborn, kept trying to make a leap for it. I filled the sink a little ways with water, washed them, dried them, and put them in a bigger bowl. I felt very useful.
I apologize for not telling you more, but in truth life has been full of ennui. In fact it is much like the Henri videos. There are two. The part about making new friends reminded me of Lil-Bit. She has the same problem. If you don't recall, Lil-Bit is my calico kitten. She is about two thirds the size of the Lady of Shed-Lots, whom is routinely referred to as "The Meatloaf".
When I returned home I grabbed a bowl and went outside. I do admit that I jumped and drew my hand back from the weed infested strawberry patch more than once for fear of spiders. The bowl was overflowing after I had only combed through the edges. Once inside, two strawberries, one of which was particularly stubborn, kept trying to make a leap for it. I filled the sink a little ways with water, washed them, dried them, and put them in a bigger bowl. I felt very useful.
I apologize for not telling you more, but in truth life has been full of ennui. In fact it is much like the Henri videos. There are two. The part about making new friends reminded me of Lil-Bit. She has the same problem. If you don't recall, Lil-Bit is my calico kitten. She is about two thirds the size of the Lady of Shed-Lots, whom is routinely referred to as "The Meatloaf".
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Letter to Brown Recluse Spiders
Dear Brown Recluse Spiders,
I would appreciate it if you would live the full of your lives in the walls. It really scares me when you walk on the ceiling, dart across the floor, hang out in my pile of clean laundry, and/or crawl around in my covers. The covers are an especial no no when I am in them. Please refrain from standing on the back of my bedside table/card bard box. It makes me nervous to know you're there.
If you could stop being venomous that would be a bonus too. I would ask you to stop existing, but that's hard to do. Instead can you move across the country?
Sincerely,
Kara
I would appreciate it if you would live the full of your lives in the walls. It really scares me when you walk on the ceiling, dart across the floor, hang out in my pile of clean laundry, and/or crawl around in my covers. The covers are an especial no no when I am in them. Please refrain from standing on the back of my bedside table/card bard box. It makes me nervous to know you're there.
If you could stop being venomous that would be a bonus too. I would ask you to stop existing, but that's hard to do. Instead can you move across the country?
Sincerely,
Kara
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