Dear Spiders (specifically the Brown Recluse spiders that live under and behind my bookshelf),
I know you're there. Waiting. Waiting for the opportune time to do me in. I do not appreciate this. You have fewer places to hide, but that doesn't mean that you have to flaunt your existence by crawling out from under the bookshelf almost every night as I go to bed, but as long as you stay still and try to camouflage with the pink carpet, even though you are irreversibly brown, I can grab a weapon and end your tiny venomous lives.
I have a weapon that is extremely good at finding and distracting you. Its name is Lil-Bit. I may not see you, but my kitty is very good at hunting you. Move once and she sees you. With my kitty, I will foil your plans of world domination! So prepare for war. If either of us sees you, you're gone. Let the war begin. There will be many casualties, on your side.