Dear Saltine Crackers,
Have I ever told you how much I love you? I really love you. Today I have wandered away from the computer several times to see if the fridge or cabinets had produced anything to eat in the last five minutes. I was continually disappointed. Then I saw you, oh package of dried food rectangles, and I knew I was saved. I took you back to my room, where I prepared to sit happily at my computer and read blogs. Much to my dismay, you were nearly stolen from me within moments of our reunion, but I did not let that silken feline take you.
Now we sit, me in my chair and you in your open package. Have I ever told you how much you mean to me? You have been beside me through thick and thin, happy sleepy days and in the aftermath of great pain. It's okay, if you were there during those fatal hours, you would have come back up, which would have been unpleasant for us both. You are of monumental worth to me. You are awesome and tasty.