Wednesday, December 29, 2010

On the Barbie Doll

     As a small child I would sit and play with my dolls. Most people who abuse or abused their barbies, set them on fire, put rockets in them, drop them from great heights, and do other things to the dolls. My sister and I were not so physically violent. Instead of doing any of the above things, we would play out stories that simply did not end well for Barbie, Ken, Kelly, or any of the others. This blog entry chronicles some of our more interesting games with Barbie and other toys, in chronological order.
     "Let's burn Baby at the stake!!!" The villainous dolls shouted. I had wrapped a orange shawl around the base of my fan and tied Baby to the pole with a few twisty ties.
     "Not my baby!!!" Barbie cried out frantically. She then fainted and fell to the carpeted floor with a stiff thud.
     "I will save her!" Ken cried. He grabbed the cord and swung in to save Baby. He instead hit the pole and fell unconscious into the "flame".

     The next is not so much a story as a set that my sister and I made in our later years. You see our kellies played a game called Pirates and Indians. The girls were Indians and the boys were the pirates. We had four boys and about fifteen girls. We decided to create what we call The Cannibalistic Kelly Village. It had several mini pictures. We had a girl stiring a "pot" of "soup" in which we had placed a little boy who looked like he was screaming. There was a "spit" over a "fire" that a little girl was turning. Tied to it was a boy. It took some time to tie him on just right. We had a boy in a cage, a look out tower, a chieftain eating a bone, a tent with a skull on top, and a polar bear. This was mainly constructed with pickup sticks, twisty ties, and kellies.

     One day I was playing with my teen dolls and I spied my dart board. I then went and positioned some "dead" dolls around the base and used the darts to hold up the teenagers as if they had been impaled. My mother laughed, my father sighed, and my sister wanted to help.

     That is nearly all. My sister and I, through out our history of dolls have always had the headless kens. We do use them too. Every good bad guy has to have a hoard of zombies after all.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Little Red

     Okay, this is a dream I have had recently. I was asleep with it, until my alarm went off. I just want to make sure that you understand I did not consciously make this up.

     A little girl stood in a field of flowers with her grandmother. Her hair was in two short braids on either side of her head and she wore a cloak. If I had to guess I would say she was in second grade. The girl and grandmother were picking flowers, when they decided to go to the grandmother's house. The grandmother went ahead to clean up the house before the girl got there.
     The house was enchanting. It was a simple little house, in a clearing. The path to the house was arched over by trees, so that the sun would come through the leaves in a light green. Beautiful as the house was, a wolf was waiting for Granny. Before she reached the door, it leaped from around the house. Granny in shock, pulled out a gun and shot it in the shoulder. It pulled back and circled, growling. It jumped for her again and she shot it again.The wolf fell onto a bed of moss between two trees, with the sun shining upon him. Perhaps my subconscious felt guilty for killing it. I guess I'll never know.
     Little Red skipped down the path swinging her basket as she entered the clearing. Granny kept seeing red, so she shouted for the little girl to run. The little girl ran. Granny was suddenly a wolf with a red hood. She gave chase howling as she did. More wolves came and followed her.
     They were running through a field, when they came to a part that was flooded. Little Red jumped onto an ice floe and drifted across. The granny/wolf jumped in to follow, but couldn't swim, so it climbed back on shore. Thus ended act one of my dream.
     In this part, I am sure there was dialogue, but I do not remember the exact words. This being the case I'll try to do my best at letting you know what they were essentially saying.

     The wolves were gathered around Granny's house. The wolf/grandmother (who I shall refer to as W.G.) was pacing a tree limb above the house. The other wolves were on the ground. W.G. was explaining to them about expanding territory. The limb it was on had two oranges on it. Suddenly W.G. leaped to another one that had three, scattering the wolves beneath it. The three oranges fell to the ground. Then it leaped to another limb between the first two. Again the wolves beneath it scattered and again the oranges, all fifth-teen, fell to the forest floor. Then, understanding this concept, the wolves melted into the dark forest.

     That was my dream. I had it Monday night. Then my alarm went off, but at least I don't have a cliff hanger!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Giving Thanks and Christmas Cheer

     Thanksgiving is usually spent at my grandmother's house (Dad's side) and this year was the same. There I saw one of my favorite cousins. We spent most of the time talking about Girl Genius and teaching the younger ones about being minions. When I got home I made a list of what I am thankful for this year. These are, of course, not in order of importance.
  1. Grandparents
  2. Cousins (even the little ones)
  3. Uncles
  4. Aunts
  5. My Sister
  6. My Brothers
  7. Mom
  8. Dad
  9. Deviled Eggs
  10. Green Beans
  11. Carbonated Sugar Water
  12. Girl Genius
  13. Books
  14. My Boyfriend
  15. My Friends
  16. The Felines
  17. Snow
  18. Warmth
  19. Meat
  20. Chocolate Cake
  21. Chocolate Pie
    Black Friday the older of my two brothers came to help us with the tree. We erected it without any difficulty and set about decorating it. As always the angels were placed near the top. On the very top was placed the star. Our brother did that part. We arranged the nativity scene at the base and turned on the little lights. It was beautiful.
     After the tree was done we sat and watched the first half of The Hogfather. After that I took a nap for about ten minutes. I woke up and slid out from under my covers. I was just in time to greet my other brother as he came through the door. After that we watched Fifth Element and Sixth Sense. The younger brother left just before the scary parts started. When the older one left as well I talked with my parents then went to bed. The next day I wrapped Christmas presents. All in all, it has been a busy week, and there is still more to come.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Not For Children Under 3 Years

     At my work, the boss found some gun locks in her closet. She gave them to any employee who wanted them. I took one home with me. I spent that Friday locking and unlocking it. Today (Saturday) I decided to put it around my neck. Now that I think of it, I did feel a little befuddled when the key didn't come out. I went and let the felines in, then returned to my room followed by Mother Gothel (one of our two cats). I went to the mirror to remove the lock. It would not come off. The key wouldn't even turn. I decided to get help from a (most probably) experienced individual, my father.
     I found him in his study, eyes closed, head back. I decided to start on a more calm subject. "Who was on the phone?"
     "Your mother."
     "Is she okay?"
     "Yeah. We didn't win any games."
     "Daddy? I need help."
     At this point, my father opened his eyes and looked at me. He started laughing.
     "Come here." He managed to say through his chortles. I pulled up a chair. He pulled out his cell phone.
     "Are you going to text mom?" I nervously asked.
     "Better." He laughed. I began to feel that this would not turn out well. He phoned her instead. He merely told her the I had gotten into a dilemma, then held out the phone to me. I was not about to explain this to my own mother, so I did the only thing I could think of to avoid the inevitable.
     "NO! NO! NO! NO!" I screeched. Thankfully my mastermind plan worked like a charm, and Dad explained it to mom himself. He then hung up and went to fetch something across the room. As he returned I saw that he had his big pocket knife. He flipped it to the pliers. I held as still as possible as he tugged at the flexible steel chain. Suddenly he stopped and slapped the plastic tub beside him three times with such force that I thought it would break. He was laughing. Eventually he got the key out, inserted the other, and freed me from my own imprisonment. He mentioned that my mother said to call her father and see how her side of the family would deal with such things. I fled to my room.
     Looking at the lock now, it strikes me funny. Why? The lock reads, "PROJECT CHILDSAFE,". Perhaps it keeps children safe from guns, but not safe from their own creative genius.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Boy Friend

     When it comes to love, everyone wants to put in their two cents worth. I don't care what they say. I know how love feels. They can try forever, but it is impossible to sum it up in mere words. To know love, is the only way to understand it. My acquaintances believe that they have found the one, then change their minds after two weeks. I might be their age, but I think differently. 
     September 9, 2009, The boy I had been thinking about asked me out. I accepted. It has been 1 year, 1 month, and 25 days. We have been together without a breakup or serious argument. My crazy friend said that my boyfriend and I are, "Ment to last." There is nothing that can describe how I feel about him.I love him. It is that simple, but at the same time complicated. He drives me up the wall, he makes me laugh when I want to cry, and care about me. There is no way that I could ever give him up. If I had to choose a song that comes close to describing how I feel it would be World Before Columbus  by Suzanna Vega. There is no limit to my love for him.

The Danger of Gel Pens

     When I was little, my sister had several gel pens. She loved them. I liked them too. They came in all kinds of colors and several had glitter in them. The only problem was that my sister would not share. She seemed to think that I would use them all up. I really wanted gel pens. It was such that I stole one.
     I was running through the house with the pen, when I fell into the printer. My hand hit the printer and the pen hit my face. It broke the skin between my nose and left eye. I had the presence of mind, however, to hide the pen beneath my mother's printer. After I had slid it under, I ran to my room (which was only a few feet away). I cried, loudly. My mom rushed to my room. When she was able to get a look at me, there was blood all over. It was on my sheets, my hands, and of course my face. She washed me up, and saw where I was bleeding from. My parents had a bit of trouble putting together the pieces, until I retrieved the gel pen of doom.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Daddy's Little Girl

     As a child I wanted to be like my daddy. I followed him around the house when he was home, helped him with chores, and even wore his boots. (I remember the boots because we have a picture of me wearing them. Most of my legs were enveloped in their rubber walls.) One day a Daddy inspired mishap happened during my bath.
     Like most children I did not like to get in the tub. I would run, hide, and even scream, but once I was in the water I was difficult to get out. My mother would leave me in the tub with my toys to play. She would come back and tell me to wash up. When I had covered myself in soap suds I would call mommy in to do my hair.
     One day as I made my dinosaurs swim through the "lake" they lived by I spied my mother's razor. I recalled seeing Daddy shave in the morning several times. I was immediately convinced that it was my father's razor. Remembering how Daddy did it, I moved the razor across my face without any mishaps. Then the inevitable occurred. I cut my lip. I called for Mommy to come. She must have noticed the tone of distress in my voice, for she came quicker than usual. By the time she appeared I was sobbing hysterically. She asked what had happened. I do not know why she had to ask, because I was bleeding and holding her razor. I said the first thing I could think of. I wanted to be like the breaded lady in the circus. I was bright enough to understand that if I shaved I would have no beard, thus not being a bearded lady. I was determined, however, not to let my mother know that I was trying to be like a boy.
     For years my mother knew only what I had told her. A few years ago I set her straight. I did notice, however, that shortly after the accident my mother had moved her razor out of reach. I have since learned that Daddy is a very dangerous game to play.

Thursday, September 30, 2010


     Think about your family. You probably think of your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, ect. You might also think of your closest friends. Those who treat you as family, who stop by unexpectedly, or panic because they forgot your birthday. Well, this entry is dedicated to both parts of my family.
     My mother is the first person I have memories of. I remember going to sleep in my crib and looking through the bars. I saw my mommy curled up on the floor. She was close. It comforted me. She has done so much that I am thankful for. She has feed and clothed me. It didn't matter if I fed the cat corn on the cob. She still did everything she could to raise a human being  and not an abomination. She barely pulled through. I love her anyway.
     My father is one of my favorite crazy people. I remember wearing his shoes around the house and trying to do things like him. It was very often in that case that he got me to pick up sticks in the yard. I ran to hug him when he came home for work. I would follow him around the yard. A few times I exercised with him. Once I beat him in running. Now I do yoga with him when I can. Our favorite pose? Corpse pose a.k.a. nap pose.
     My sister was my idle as a small one. My favorite color was pink, because it was hers. I followed her everywhere. We played dolls together everyday. We went every where together. I even went to a sleepover with her to one of her friend's houses. After a time she grew up. Hugs were/are off limits. If I enter her room I am dead, unless I have permission. I love her anyway. Because of this, I win. Ha!
     The eldest of my siblings is one of my brothers. He is off at college. I don't quite remember how we met, but I think it was through my sister. He was her friend first, as she has told me. My brother is one of the most awesome people I know. I have come up with several nicknames for him, but they don't seem quite right. They are all awesome, but not awesome enough. My eldest brother is a writer and is very good at it. I've never read any of his work, but I'm positive that it is very good. When I talk about him  or my other brother my classmates say that they didn't know that I had brothers. Let me explain. They are my honorary brothers. The friend kind of family.
     My other brother, who is between the one I just talked about and my sister, is absolutely crazy. That is why he's my family. I remember that I was writing out plans for world domination and he wanted to read them. After that we became partners in world domination. If I were to tell you our plans, you would have to have been already recruited or be killed in an "accident".
     That is my closest family. There is more of course, but I would end up writing all night and the entry would be thousands of pages long. That is my entry for today. THE END!!! =)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Fairy Beasts

Be gone fairy beasts.
You are unwanted
in this place.
You would do best
to leave now.

Be gone fairy beasts.
You would steal
our children.
You would
take our milk.
You would break
our valuables.

Be gone fairy beasts.
We do not
have dealings
with your sort.

Be gone fairy beasts.
You would take away
our old lives
and when you leave
you would take away
our new one.

Be gone fairy beasts.
We cannot exchange
our children.
We have no milk
that we can spare.
We have no valuables
we can let you break.
We have no need
for the panic
of a changing life.
Be gone fairy beasts
and bother us no more.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Tooth Fairy

     As a small human specimen I (like most) lost my baby teeth. At one point I practicably lost one every three or four days. My father called me Sharky and my mother had decided to teach me how to summon the Tooth Fairy. I was to turn around five times widershins (counter clockwise) and cry out," Tooth Fairy! Tooth Fairy! Hear me now! Bring me a dollar and not a cow!" One night I lost another tooth. It was late and my mother had long since gone to bed, so I put the tooth on my bed stand and went to sleep.
     The next morning the tooth was still there. I told my mother as soon as I was awake. I fell asleep that night confident that my mother would sort things out with the tooth fairy. I awoke and found my tooth was gone. In its place was a cow figurine. I was overjoyed! I had seen some like it in a store and knew that it was worth at least three dollars. Happily I raced down stairs and showed my new cow to my family. My sister gave me a funny look. She is prone to that sort of thing. I don't quite remember what my father did, but my mother seemed confused. She suggested that I might have done better to tell the Tooth Fairy that I wanted a dollar. I insisted otherwise. I loved my new cow. Eventually we struck a bargain. My mother would give me a dollar and we would share the cow. I have no idea why I gave in, but perhaps it was for the best. I may have broken my poor cow at my young age. I do wish I knew where she went. I believe that she is trapped in a box somewhere. Since I do not remember her name, it is now officially Gene.