Dear Brown Recluse Spiders,
I would appreciate it if you would live the full of your lives in the walls. It really scares me when you walk on the ceiling, dart across the floor, hang out in my pile of clean laundry, and/or crawl around in my covers. The covers are an especial no no when I am in them. Please refrain from standing on the back of my bedside table/card bard box. It makes me nervous to know you're there.
If you could stop being venomous that would be a bonus too. I would ask you to stop existing, but that's hard to do. Instead can you move across the country?